It's 1:30 in the morning. I am wide awake. The boys are both sleeping next to me, the dog and cat are at the bottom of the bed. We hurt and it feels easier to carry when we are close to each other. Next week is 5 months, it's not getting easier. It feels harder now that the reality of death is settling in, it's like a constant ache. An ache deep in my bones. When does it get better? How is missing him ever supposed to be okay? The boys and I are spending the last week of summer vacation at the beach with my Dad and Mary. I couldn't help it an tonight, this deep ache got to me, I started to cry and I called for Briton. I told him I needed a hug. His hugs are magic. He asked me why I was crying. I was honest, I told him as excited as I am about our vacation it hurts my heart thinking about how we are going to be creating more memories that Daddy won't be a part of. I also told him that it's good for Mommy to cry when she is feeling sad like this...we hugged a ...