I'm not okay right now. I hate this grief roller coaster. Sometimes I think my heart is starting to mend. Then something triggers it to rip back open. I think of all these topics of things that I want to write about and then I open up my computer to write and just stare at the screen because all that I want to write is that I am tired of faking the smile I put on my face everyday when I go out to meet the world and how all I want to do is lay in my bed and scream until my voice gets hoarse then cry until I fall asleep. But even in sleep, the nightmares come. This is so hard. I'm back to work full time. I am grateful for the structure and I know that I need it but I don't have nearly as much laying in my bed and hiding from the world time as I want. And now that school has started there is always homework, studying, lunches to back, clothes to organize and can you believe these kids of mine expect dinner every night! I'm overwhelmed right now. I know that I am not th...