May 20th 2006, I married my best friend. This year my best friend was dead on our anniversary. Dead. My person is gone. The hope for his earthly recovery is gone. My partner will never get to come home. We won't get any more chances.
This year, on Saturday the 19th, Uncle Jon came and got the boys for a fun day. Thank God for Uncle Jon. He loves those boys with a big, fierce love and the feeling is mutual. The original plan was for a day for them at the river. The non-stop rain we have been having in VA made that impossible so they went to the Science Museum, out to lunch, to Game Stop, and back to the house to play. The boys are still talking about their day with him. He makes them laugh. It's the kind of laughter that fills all the empty parts of my heart, and there are so many empty parts now. Him coming down that day also gave me a day to take care of myself, which was a huge gift in itself. How lucky are we to have Uncle Jon.
My friend Whitney ventured to Mechanicsville to pick me up for brunch with Hunter after Jon left with the boys. The three of us went to 3 Monkey's. We ate delicious food (I had the chicken and waffles, so yum), shared a couple pitchers of mimosas, and laughed. A lot. Hunter had to get her son ready for his prom so she left after brunch but Whit and I were on a mission, I was getting a new tattoo that day. Apparently everyone in Richmond was also getting a new tattoo as well. After stopping at 4 shops and adding my name to some walk-in wait lists, stopping at Wheezy's for a drink, going back to Whit's apartment and indulging in some wine, gouda triscuits, and Real Housewives of New York (how have I never watched that show before?) Heroes and Ghosts called around 5pm and said they were ready for me. One quick Uber ride and we were there, I showed my artist, Jess, what I wanted and what she drew up was perfection. Den's very first tattoo was a rampant lion. We got our first tattoo's together at a shop in Scotland. I knew that I needed a lion of my own now and I knew that I needed "Nevertheless, she persisted". That quote has become my motto. I don't have a choice anymore, I will persist. Jess was awesome. Whitney was awesome. I love my new tattoo. I love what it represents and honestly, it felt good to be able to hurt a physical pain for a bit.
Whitney and I met her friend Sara after we were done at the shop. I got a text while we were out though, and it was pretty upsetting so I knew it was time for me to get my Uber and head home. Brit was asleep in my bed when I got home so I snuggled next to him and had a nice, quiet cry. I hugged onto him and just let the tears come. I missed his daddy so much. I missed everything good that he was, everything that he had stolen from him. Addiction is a thief. Saturday night I cried for everything that we had all been robbed of, the memories we'd never get to make, the encouragement he'd never be able to give us again, the hugs we'd never receive again. He will never hold me again. I cried for it all.
Saturday was a lot of things, I had fun, I laughed, I ate good food and shared good company. I enjoyed a kid-free time knowing my boys were having their own fun. But it was still hard. It was still lonely. The kind of lonely that I know won't go away anytime soon.
Love,
Rachael
This year, on Saturday the 19th, Uncle Jon came and got the boys for a fun day. Thank God for Uncle Jon. He loves those boys with a big, fierce love and the feeling is mutual. The original plan was for a day for them at the river. The non-stop rain we have been having in VA made that impossible so they went to the Science Museum, out to lunch, to Game Stop, and back to the house to play. The boys are still talking about their day with him. He makes them laugh. It's the kind of laughter that fills all the empty parts of my heart, and there are so many empty parts now. Him coming down that day also gave me a day to take care of myself, which was a huge gift in itself. How lucky are we to have Uncle Jon.
My friend Whitney ventured to Mechanicsville to pick me up for brunch with Hunter after Jon left with the boys. The three of us went to 3 Monkey's. We ate delicious food (I had the chicken and waffles, so yum), shared a couple pitchers of mimosas, and laughed. A lot. Hunter had to get her son ready for his prom so she left after brunch but Whit and I were on a mission, I was getting a new tattoo that day. Apparently everyone in Richmond was also getting a new tattoo as well. After stopping at 4 shops and adding my name to some walk-in wait lists, stopping at Wheezy's for a drink, going back to Whit's apartment and indulging in some wine, gouda triscuits, and Real Housewives of New York (how have I never watched that show before?) Heroes and Ghosts called around 5pm and said they were ready for me. One quick Uber ride and we were there, I showed my artist, Jess, what I wanted and what she drew up was perfection. Den's very first tattoo was a rampant lion. We got our first tattoo's together at a shop in Scotland. I knew that I needed a lion of my own now and I knew that I needed "Nevertheless, she persisted". That quote has become my motto. I don't have a choice anymore, I will persist. Jess was awesome. Whitney was awesome. I love my new tattoo. I love what it represents and honestly, it felt good to be able to hurt a physical pain for a bit.
Whitney and I met her friend Sara after we were done at the shop. I got a text while we were out though, and it was pretty upsetting so I knew it was time for me to get my Uber and head home. Brit was asleep in my bed when I got home so I snuggled next to him and had a nice, quiet cry. I hugged onto him and just let the tears come. I missed his daddy so much. I missed everything good that he was, everything that he had stolen from him. Addiction is a thief. Saturday night I cried for everything that we had all been robbed of, the memories we'd never get to make, the encouragement he'd never be able to give us again, the hugs we'd never receive again. He will never hold me again. I cried for it all.
Saturday was a lot of things, I had fun, I laughed, I ate good food and shared good company. I enjoyed a kid-free time knowing my boys were having their own fun. But it was still hard. It was still lonely. The kind of lonely that I know won't go away anytime soon.
Love,
Rachael
Comments
Post a Comment